I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
