my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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