I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
