Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize