so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
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part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
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You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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