I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
