So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
zippers are such a cool invention
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
There are leaves in my underwear?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
