So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
