he puts the penis in happiness.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
