I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
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Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
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At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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