He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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