I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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