Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
