i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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