this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
no you cant smoke seaweed
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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