smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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