New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
