I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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