You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
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You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
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Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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