My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
