The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
