You're my little dorito
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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