My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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