I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I didn't shave. On purpose
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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