So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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