Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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