He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
