This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
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He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
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His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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