***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize