That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
