i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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