yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
