you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The uberlube is also flammable
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
