Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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