btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
