dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
