I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
