just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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