the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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