how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
