Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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