You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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