Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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