I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
