Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I am mentally ready for anal.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize