don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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