his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
