Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
