i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell