your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
