why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
if i can run in heels then i can drive
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
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