even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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