Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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