I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Semen is not good for contacts.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
