She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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