They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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