I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
