smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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