"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
