Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
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I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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