everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
