literally had 100 drinks last night.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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