i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
