she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
