Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
