I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
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I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
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I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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