Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
3pm strippers are depressing
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
