I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
this will be a night to untag.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
