wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
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By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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