So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
