All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
