I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
